drawing 9/ after reading the whowhat email

this drawing was done after reading an email that triggered sadness, plummeting feelings, drop in stomach and furious anger. 

drawing 8/ talk with christy

symbiosis: describes close and often long-term interactions between different biological species

talked with christy at her dining table.  

drawing 7/ talk with donna

talked with donna on phone- she asked: how do you know that you’re queer? you know it inside.

drawing 6/ talk with kai

talked on phone with kai:
- planning and planting life, valuing our personal lives as much as work
- words: “designate time to grow my life.”

drawing 5/ talk with bryan

talked on the phone about:
- broken down disempowered experience
- being strong
- hope for growth
- the words in the drawing say: “because I’m harder to knock down”

drawing 4/ kai

drew this while talking with my art comrade kai. talked about love relationships.

drawing 3/ me and m

just had an intense day of transformation and working towards acceptance. it has been sad. i feel the oppisite of pregnant…i feel hollow and empty and sad. i feel like it is all expelling out of me.

drawing 2 / me and m

just had a conversation with m.

on the right side of the drawing
i felt sadness and sorrow and readily expressed that. it is hard to hold back. i feel like i let so much out. where did it all go?
i felt that even though the choices we are making seem honest and “good/smart choices” they still hurt and feel painful.
i feel loss.

on the left side of the drawing
i feel that m has been open and receiving as well as distant and closed.

drawing 1 / me

i have spent a lot of time today thinking, reading, researching ideas for this blog…however i want to be true to the original idea… drawing relationship. so, i got started with a simple sketch.i do not have a scanner, so this is taken with photo booth on my mac.

this is me right now.

welcome…1,2,3,4

my dear friend lex had a dream, and now i have this blog. this is the email she sent me…

“good morning sis! you were in my dream…and you were blogging!  in the dream you had a blog called “countess” and it was autobiographical but also architectural.  so you had entries like…today at this conversation with so and so who makes me feel like ___________ and then there would be an architectural/geometric drawing. ” – lex

lex’s dream really resonated with me for some reasons, let me count the ways….

—-

1-

blog.

i love blogging! i love it, and i don’t have my very own blog. i have started blogs for 2 organizations i have worked with. i have blogged on for my radical gardening collective. i have commented on many blogs. i love reading blogs…blogs about food, yoga, durham, life, love, art, and more. i love blogs, but never started my own personal one because i was never called to. but this time the calling came through my sister-friend, and i am answering the call.

2-

countess.

that part of the dream did not resonate with me strongly at first, it seemed so proper. however, when i looked up some defintions…i started to like the idea.these are pieces of the definitions that i have strung together to make sense to me…

a woman who matters, in her own right
to count is to matter
to count for is to take consideration for
ess- a woman

3-

autobiographical.

i have been traveling a major life journey sparked in october 08 that continues today. i have been learning a lot about myself and the world. personal journaling and conversation with people both have been helpful outlets.

4-

architectural.

yes!
i see relationship as visual imagery.

1995-my drawing teacher at ncsa said “everything is about relationships”
1996- i made a booklet with water color paintings and love notes. each note and painting was about my relationship with someone in my life. the art was an act of love to illustrate our bond, or a lesson they have taught me. the title of the book and the project assignment was “precious”
1997 i had a crush on a boy, scared him away, and then drew him a geometric picture about our relationship/friendship so we could heal and become friends again. i used this tactic various times to create bridges during times of conflict.
2000 i created an animation for my final film project at risd. the animation was about my various relationships with various lovers and how much i loved each of them completely.

—-

so, thank you lex for receiving a message i could not receive on my own. i am grateful for your channeling.

and for now, i leave you with this video about counting, i am in love with it…

you may need to click on it twice, it will take you to youtube to watch it…